A spooky adventure that will neither chill to the bone nor frighten with delight, Haunted Mansion is a harmless romp through the horrors of its amusement namesake.
Indeed, Haunted Mansion is a solid B-grade movie with mundane hauntings that will leave moviegoers with no strong distaste toward its existence. Whether or not this kind of passive entertainment is to be appreciated is unclear, but it is on par with other insufferably safe Disney flicks like Jungle Cruise.
Ultimately, the spirits’ special effects are aggressively cartoonish. The film also confines the audience to a handful of rooms, stifling the grandness of the mansion rather than favouring those early 2000 practical sets that went on for miles. Yet it manages to mystify with a thrilling Stretching Room sequence and an array of character-driven scare tactics.
Indeed, CGI ghouls and a pesky curse are no match for this new crop of doomed souls.
Just as the original Haunted Mansion had its colourful cast of animated actors to thank for its success, this fateful adaptation also finds salvation in the ensemble chemistry of its motley crew. The most successful move in this venture — casting LaKeith Stanfield as the film’s tortured lead.
The Knives Out actor has charisma for days and is just as physically expressive as Eddie Murphy in his own compelling ways. I have no doubts Ben Matthias’ traumatic dead-wife backstory would ring empty (and slightly problematic) if it wasn’t for Stanfield’s convincing grief. In fact, one has to suspect the same is true for the film itself.
Early 2000s Murphy is a hard act to follow. The actor dominated the family genre, and Haunted Mansion left an impression of nostalgia that no amount of valid critiques will ever truly puncture. Stanfield does his best to tread a path that honours the allure of Jim Evers’ unlikeability and allows his character’s pitfalls to feel separate and distinct.
There’s no escaping this film without first appreciating what Owen Wilson’s sham priest brings to this haunted tale.
Wilson shows up to every family-friendly venture ready to serve. His signature comedic relief character has brought joy to young moviegoers since Night at the Museum. I am hardly mad to see him reuse the gimmick because it is a familiarity I desperately want to connect with in young projects as a kid at heart. Sure, Father Kent is the gunslinging miniature cowboy Jedediah in a different font, but Wilson’s likability as the overzealous cheerleader character never loses its shine, even in the dusty cobwebs of this stifling franchise.
Another standout is Tiffany Haddish’s Harriet.
The tried and true comedian is a dependable bet, bringing an over-the-top reactionary comedy and stellar wit to the big screen that will catch a younger audience’s attention. Because as much as we are to connect with Ben, the original Haunted Mansion stands out because of its melodramatic, cartoon gang of ghosts. It is the characters that go big that pay off in these projects. Haddish captivates with a psychic who doesn’t have everything figured out but is determined to fake it until she makes it, and there is nothing more relatable than a working-class icon.
Harriet and Kent are the spark of chaos that livens up this stuffy premise.
The weak links of this cast are somewhat surprising.
On the one hand, Jared Leto has never fully cracked the code to a good villain. The actor’s Hatbox Ghost is a considerable step up from his take on the Joker. However, the performance is all menacing special effects and two-dimensional villainy. You don’t expect more from Disney in this department, but it is frustrating to have nothing to latch onto with Leto’s lacklustre performance when he is the center focus of the haunt.
The surprisingly weak link of this ensemble comes in the form of Madame Leota’s floating head.
Jamie Lee Curtis never misses, but her subdued take on the psychic is somewhat underwhelming, given that this character is a linchpin. This version of Leota is considerably toned down from the first film adaptation, her stern expressions and dry instructions reading like a forgettable amusement park guide. That is a massive disappointment because I do not believe kids will leave this movie with a memorable impression of Madame Leota. In contrast, Jennifer Tilly’s presence in the 2003 Haunted Mansion was not easily forgotten. Her booming voice and explosive movements certainly grabbed the attention of young moviegoers, and I can’t say Curtis will get the fanfare she deserves for this iteration.
It’s unclear if this character choice was one the studio made to distance itself from the original film or if a more impressionable Leota would have been viewed as too similar to Haddish’s psychic. Regardless, it is one of the more underwhelming aspects of this film.
The first Haunted Mansion came just before a glorious Pirates of the Caribbean era of film-making, where production companies like Disney had yet to realize they could repackage the same formula of plot twists and CGI boss battles over and over again. These adventure films didn’t necessarily have to be excellent to grab our attention; they just had to be passionate.
And the 2003 Haunted Mansion had it all as the trademarks of a solid comedy-horror flick with its mix of comedic Daddy Day Care style banter, a Black family leading the ensemble, and cutesy parlour tricks. But it also had impressive practical effects and a few pulse-raising gimmicks that pushed the envelope of what you could put in a kid’s horror film. With so many of us growing up with the film in our marathon rotation, it’s not reasonable to expect something this painfully generic would have us abandon our allegiance so quickly.
However, if you choose to include this latest adaptation in your next Halloween movie marathon, know you won’t regret a casual walk through the revived halls of Gracey Manor. But to expect this film to haunt the next generation of children long into adulthood? Madam Leota’s crystal ball says it’s unlikely.
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Haunted Mansion is in theatres now and coming to Disney+ soon.
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